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April 13th, 2011 | Author: Antique

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What are all these women doing at the adult bookstore?
Oh My Good and Gracious God! And I don't even believe in God anymore and here I am swearing. I went to Amazing last night, an adult bookstore, and there are all these female customers in there. Oh my God. Dear Lord in Heaven. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. If Mary had her bachelorette party today she would be picking out dog collars, a whip, massage oil, and a couple of porns for her honeymoon in Bermuda with Joesph. I live in a predominantly Catholic section of Boston, so there are all these Catholic girls in there with their girlfriends buying up all this stuff. One girl bought one of those Sex in the City swing sets. In my day, sex was done on a bed not in a swing. I have since progressed to the couch and the rug but really no swing sets please. Several dog collars were purchased no doubt influenced by Lady Gaga's perchant for wearing them. Caught in a Bad Romance, indeed. So I go into Amazing, right, and I am the only guy in the store of about 15 customers all women. All women. Me and the store clerk are the only guys in the place. "Should we get him this porno or that porno? Hey, ask that guy over there which one he thinks you should get him."Did they want my opinion, the only male customer in the store. "No, never mind. He looks too old. He probably likes Classic stuff like Dirk Diggler."Great. I am only 48 and now the women have me classified as a 1970s Boogie Nights porn star. I didn't think I looked that old. Well, I was in an adult bookstore Novelty rug and I was outnumbered by women. One girl tried to pick me up. "Psssssst! Yo dude! Hey, you over there?""Are you addressing me?""Yeah, you are the only guy in here. Look pal, I wanna get my boyfriend a ring. Which one would you wear? This one here. Or that studded one here? The first one is your basic classic model. Know what I mean? Second one is a bit more adventurous. Double your pleasure and double your fun. That kinda stuff. Know what I'm saying? So which one to you think, big guy? Classic or adventurous? Hey, I'm talking to you. Where are you going? Hey buddy, don't you walk away from me. Answer my question, retard!"I am in the Twilight Zone.Rod Serling comes out of the Employees door of Amazing.Nowhere Man went to buy a few novelties at an adult bookstore for his weekend date with his girlfriend. But said Nowhere Man didn't realize that he has just crossed over into . . . the Twilight Zone."Okay, question and answer format. What are all these women doing in a men's store? What are all you ladies doing in my store? Shouldn't you be over at your mother's house baking cookies? Do your parents allow you to go into a dirty book store? Shouldn't you be at church? Playing Bingo? Volunteering at a hospital or a nursing home? Have you all been drinking or smoking pot? What sort of a lady shops in an adult bookstore? Not the sort of woman I can bring home to meet my family. Well Uncle Paul might ask for your number that dirty old man. Women, do any of you go shopping in an adult bookstore? I have shopped for my girlfriends but they either go there with me or they wait in the car in parking lot in front of the store across the street. She usually locks both doors and leaves my car running and has a can of pepper spray in case any pervert attempts to get into the vehicle. That is what you call a nice girl. Girls that go shopping with girlfriends in an adult bookstore. What's up with that? At first, I thought maybe its a few strippers and escorts picking up supplies. No, its just regular girls. A dozen of them.I don't know if there is a God or not. I am not a scientist. All I know is that most organized religions paint their own picture of what God is and what God expects. To me there is nothing wrong with sex between two consenting adults. It doesn't have to be limited to a husband and wife for procreation purposes only. The Christian God hates fags and lesbians. Well he's not my God and he doesn't tell me what to do. Let him stay in his church with the rest of the Nazis. I have gay and lesbian friends and I am done with the Hating God. He is like Santa Claus to me. He is nice for kids to believe in and narrow minded people and simpletons. I am educated and all that bit about a heaven and a hell and angels and devils is a bunch of fairy tales. Christian mythology is what I call it. But related to this question Christians have unfairly hated upon people who merely want to be happy as consenting adults whether it is a straight couple making love or gays and lesbian love. It's only love.
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